FTWM: Rid yourself of the Guilt!

The day finally came for me to report back to work. I have assumed a new identity for almost five months ( and counting...) and have pretty much enjoyed the role thus far of being a pseudo-SAHM. Perhaps I have crossed the line. As the days draw nearer for the parting, the struggle to detach myself from my current role grows more intense than ever. Every FTWM goes through this "rite of passage" - experiencing the joy of labour and basking in the newfound moments of motherhood to the eventual and inevitable separation from that little bundle who could barely flip yet. Of course, you can always choose to extend your time with your little one but the end is always in sight.

Transitioning into motherhood has had a huge impact in my life. It has transformed my perspectives and redefined my worth and values. But all these didn't occur with a snap of the fingers. Certainly, there were episodic outbursts of resistance- resistance to change. My hubby and I struggled to keep our sanity by setting a routine to systemise things. Even with the skeletal routine in place to frame and guide our actions, there were still room for uncertainty and nothing was cast in stone! The constant actions and reactions really threw us off balance as we struggled against the inertia of caring for a newborn.

We only began to see brighter days when we were more accustomed to the rules of the game. Only then were we able to enjoy the company of the little one, and not be bogged down by the mundane chores. Caring for a little one is no easy feat. There are times when I just want to go on an escapade and reminisce the good old days. I just want to go back to work and now that my workplace is finally beckoning me back!

For those FTWMs out there, I can totally empathize with your reluctance to go back to work. We probably feel consumed by the guilt of not spending enough time with our kids and not witnessing their milestones. I have this to say: set your sight farther and look at the larger picture. Jump out of the mindset of creating limiting blocks of " five days work week" and " weekends" and compartmentalising the activities that can be carried out or ought to be carried out on weekdays and weekends. Most of us dread Mondays and embrace the Fridays. We tend to narrow our perceptions and think that our time with our kids is finite because of work commitments. Why don't we start seeing our days in continuity where weekdays and weekends hold equal importance for us to spend quality time with the kids? Notice I mentioned "quality" time. It can be as short as five minutes to say a prayer with your kid. SAHMs may be the objects of envy to many, but some of them may not be spending time wisely with their kid. Consider a SAHM who only does household chores all day, just chauffeuring the kids around and letting them watch TV on their own. There is no value-add in any way. So, instead of devising ways and means to work less or to not work at all, why not look at things in a different perspective. See that you are just going away to work for the benefit of the family and that ultimately, will be back every single day to put your kid to sleep or to merely see them. See life with your kids as a continuum; you don't have to limit time with them only to the weekends and to lament about going back to work the next day on Sundays. The bottom line: don't let work monopolize your situation and free yourself from this seemingly bondage.